Saturday, 20 June 2009
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Injustice of Love
Okay I'm going to start this out a little awkwardly but follow me, here. Okay? My family is a very opinion based group of people. They are very homophobic and very racist. So how did they get me? I don't care about looks or people's sexual orientation. For those of you who know me or know my blog know that I've been struggling finding my own sexual orientation. I also found someone that I could talk to about it who gave me the advice to just let it play out and not worry about it, which is exactly what I've been doing. Mind you no one in my family knows about my conflict, for the very reason that they are homophobic. Even before I questioned my own sexual orientation I always supported gay marriage and them loving each other. I always have I look at homosexuals like I do every other person.
So where am I going with this? Well I was at my cousin's thirteenth birthday party and I was at "the adult table" it was just me, my grandparents, my thirty six year old cousin and my great aunt and great uncle. So I was at a table with people that are supposed to be more mature than me, right? Well, I'll let you decide.
My uncle for this scenario will be called R and my aunt will be called L. My grandparents will be addressed as such. And my cousin T.
My Uncle R was talking about the VFW Post 470 Club (Veterans of Foreign Wars). He was talking about this woman Debbie. Well, R was saying about how she was a drunk and found God. Well, in his words mostly found God. I looked at him confused. I know this woman she was a major alcoholic and turned away from the bottle and turned into church. So how did she mostly find God? He said this, "I know one thing for sure I'll never receive communion from a dyke." I looked at him and my jaw dropped. I mean I think what puzzled me was that he said this just as one of my seven year old cousins walked by.
My cousin being only seven asked "Uncle R what's a dyke?"
His answer made me want to smack him, "A dyke is person who goes to hell because they are freaks who don't belong in society."
I looked at him and said well more like shouted in a debating tone, "No, that's not even the right word to use a dyke is a demeaning term that is used to humiliate someone! The proper term is a homosexual or lesbian those aren't as demeaning! He's only seven what the hell is your problem?" my cousin left, "He is only seven he has enough time to make up his own opinion he doesn't need you making these decisions for him."
He looked at me and so did my grandma. "Punky, relax, don't get worked up. And show him respect." I looked at my grandma frustrated I mean I do understand that everyone had their own opinions. I have mine and the rest of family has theirs and trust me they are very different views. I also understand that freedom of speech is for all American to use, but when is it appropriate?
Want to know what I said? I stood up and went on my rant, "Love is something that we can't control. It's not a political or religious issue. It isn't written in black in white and those colors shouldn't define it either. Who am I or who are any of us to say that this person has to love this person and this person can't love this person because of gender? Who are any of us to define how somebody else lives?" my grandma the entire time mumbling for me to sit down and shut up. "Love isn't something that we can explain and we shouldn't try to explain it. Now I know we all have our opinions we're all entitled to them, but we don't have to make anyone else try and see it our way, and that's exactly what you just did. Just because you don't like something doesn't mean someone else has to dislike it. We are ALL free individual people and no one should judge anyone else for it." They all looked at me and I sat back down my Aunt L and my grandfather got up from the table. My cousin T just stared at me like she couldn't believe that I just stood up for my beliefs like that. My grandma looked down and shook her head. My Uncle R just sat there not angry, not sad, just blank.
As long as I can remember my mom, grandma, grandfather, uncles, aunts, cousins have always said the same thing. "If any of our kids come home gay we'll beat the gay out of them." I never appreciated that statement ever since I knew what it meant I spoke up against it. I'm tired of being the quiet teenager who just sits there and pretend that I have their views. I DON'T!!! I have multiple friends that are homosexual or bi and you know what? I'm not supposed to talk to them. BUT I DO! They're people to, they're not any different than the heterosexuals that walk the streets. I really HATE injustice like that.
I hate when people judge people just by their preferences. That would be like everyone hating everyone else who doesn't share the same views as they do. It's happened before in history. Hello! American Civil War is a great example of people fighting over different views. It's not worth the death, the pain, the fighting. I find it frustrating that people try to force their opinions on others by using the argument that the other side is completely wrong. Now I know some of you out there might say that I'm trying to force my opinions out there. And yes I am telling you about my opinion but do I expect you to change your views because of me? Nope not in the least. Do I expect you to at least respect my opinion? Yes. Also would I have reacted the way I did if my uncle would have just said it around the people that already have their opinions? No. But did dragging my younger cousin in it bother me? YES!
Thoughts? Comments? I appreciate knowing what others think. Please share...
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Comments (16)
It comes down to a matter of identity and tradition. Your family believes what is "right" is what they've always known . . . and they see nothing wrong with propagating it. The problem is, before you can talk about the human costs of a certain way of thinking, you've got to acknowledge that the other parties are human.
@moritheil - I understand that but what frustrates me is that there is a time and a place to express opinions and what he did just wasn't right
For what it's worth, I think you were right to stand up for it. Not only because you're voicing your own belief, but because you're right that saying such things around a child isn't the best thing for the child. (Whether or not they would agree with that is an entirely different story.)
You're right in that you probably can't change their beliefs (and I'm not sure whether you should try), but I don't think it's too much to ask that they respect yours. It's frustrating enough when the people you're talking to aren't related to you, but it's all the worse when they are. :(
@IfonEarth - exactly I don't want to change the world I just want them to see things with an open mind...I know that I always can't, I do know that, but I least wish they would voice their opinions when it's appropriate....
I think you did an awesome thing by standing up to your family and voicing your views. I can't believe they would say something like that, and much less within earshot of your seven year old cousin! That's terrible.
I don't think you were forcing your opinion at all; they are the ones forcing their opinions. You merely stated yours. And good job says I. =)
To me, what your family said is something I'm disapprove, but love isn't something uncontrollable, but in the way you mentioned, is impossible. It can be controled to some extent, to prevent tragedies or mishaps (but at the same time it will ruin everything if not done properly). My family are also racist, but not on skin color or sexual preference, but race and religion. My idols are criticrized as brainwashers by them so I know your pain. Perhaps this is what happened when they don't understand relativism.
woot~ go Punky! that takes guts, seriously.i hate when people are so prejudiced..and yes i agree that they shouldn't have said that infront of the child
@KaidaSani - thank you.....thank you very much....
@Murazrai - true....very true....
@curious_maya - it's one thing to say that stuff around people who already have opinions...it's not what he said....but it would have been different if my cousin wouldn't have been around....
If you want to be respected, you have to treat others with respect, even if you are sure that they are wrong. Believing that you are right does not come with the privilege of treating other people disrespectfully. Quite the contrary, if you believe you are right, especially about people who are being treated disrespectfully, the onus is on you to show respect to those who do not deserve it. This is being a gracious woman. The Bible says that a gracious woman retains honor; this means your honor cannot be taken from you.
To reiterate my point: if you treat others respectfully, whether they deserve it or not, there is honor that comes with that for you that they cannot take from you. If you lower yourself to treat disrespectful people disrespectfully, there is no honor in that at all, just a very temporary feeling of triumph, and the knowledge that you have lowered yourself to their level.
Whenever you lose your composure, you have pretty much surrendered your point as well.
I have faith in you, Punky, that you can come up with a more mature response in the future to people who disagree with you.
It helps to remind yourself, that it is actually possible that you are wrong in your belief, when talking to other people about their differing beliefs, and that they are valuable people whether they agree with you or not.
@uglygreensofa - i don't think his belief is wrong and I'm not saying mine is right....however what made me mad is how he made his comments in front of kids that are still impressionable and believe everything they hear....that's what made me mad the fact he couldn't have told his thoughts either not in front of the children or at least in a more respectful way.....
@s1LeNt_aNg3L - thankyou
You are right. I am sorry. What children perceive is very important. I am concerned about you because you are passionate and vulnerable; both of those things make us an easy target for insensitive people. Do not lose your caring heart.
@uglygreensofa - thanks for caring, I appreciate it, and I'll try not to...